By Sarah Feeney This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. CHICAGO, IL— Following a spate of customer complaints about cold and missing drinks, local cafe and roaster has decided to implement a speedier coffee delivery system. Once the espresso has been pulled and perfectly-steamed milk painstakingly poured into the shape of…
Tag: satire
Finicky Espresso Forces Barista Into Fourth Dimension
After a solid hour of unsuccessfully dialing in a naturally processed coffee from Guji, Ethiopia, Brent Feelmore noticed something weird.
Man Who Forgot to Order Skim “Glad I Caught it”
After narrowly avoiding what could have been a mild inconvenience, customer Gil Clark was reportedly shaken after a close-call milk mix-up.
Customer Stunned Cafe Actually Has Drinks She Had While Abroad
Before Rachel Long went abroad, she was a staunch tall vanilla latte girl. She had discovered the local coffee shop by reluctantly going to meet her friend, who has asked that her name not be mentioned, for a coffee date. Back then, Long still had reservations about correctly referring to the drink sizes offered on the shop’s sparse, easy-to-read menu. Fast forward 11 days, and she’s a changed woman.
Barista Mystified by Lipstick Stain That Refuses to Budge
Marveling at the lasting power of a regular’s bold lipstick, local barista Tiffany Kwon has decided to pre-soak all ceramic mugs.
Local Roaster Burned by Unpunny Coffee Headline
Local roaster Justin Peck was shocked early Friday reading the first pun-less headline by a coffee news site.
Barista Questions Existence as Customers Continue Conversation At Register
Local Barista Whitney Long fell into existential terror as two customers debated where to get dinner late Tuesday afternoon.
Coffee Bag Squeezers Aroma Wheel Coming Soon
In a move to meet consumers where they are, specialty coffee officials have joined forces with scent scientists and random customers of some of the nations best roasters to design tool that will help people who squeeze bags to determine purchases a long awaited point of reference.
Customer Determined To Defend His God-Given Territory Until Final Moment Of Operation
Ignoring a series of cues from the cafe staff surrounding him, volunteer pallbearer Rufus Shlockley refreshed his Facebook feed for the tenth time Saturday evening as baristas started sweeping around him.
Coffee Shop Serves Doppio But Unsure What It Does
A small group of baristas in a coffee shop just outside a local mall are trying to shake things up in their coffee-traditional city.