Roasting

Local Roaster Burned by Unpunny Coffee Headline

By Chance Petek

MISSOULA, MT— Local roaster Justin Peck was shocked and disillusioned early Friday after reading a pun-less headline by a coffee news site.

“I’m at my desk listening to a podcast and reading my bookmarked coffee sites. I click to the news and nearly drop my second coffee realizing the top headline is completely non-whimsical.”

The offending article, Coffee Doesn’t Cause Cancer, posted by ConstantCoffeeUpdate.com, reports new scientific findings on the relationship between coffee and health. The article garnered over three times the retweets of any posted in the last week and has gone industry viral.  

Peck says he almost missed the drop time for the batch of organic Sidamo he was roasting. “I sat at my desk reading the headline over again, but it wasn’t funny,” he lamented. “I thought I was missing the joke.” 

The article’s author, Heidi Brooks, failed to respond for comment.  A cryptic tweet posted the evening before the release reads, “Y’all ain’t ready for this!” 

Since the article’s release however, headlines have been business as usual. “I get a chuckle out of them,” Peck said. “One time I backed up the destoner showing our operations manager the Hearts Out Café Flatlines article. Totally worth it.”  


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Chance is the Roaster at Hunter Bay Coffee. He’s usually busy being a cat dad and annoying his girlfriend with puns or minimalism. 

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