By Josh Rank
This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.
NASHVILLE, TN – Local Barista Whitney Long fell into existential terror as two customers debated where to get dinner late Tuesday afternoon.
“I greeted them. Three times,” she said. “They walked up to the register and didn’t even look at me.”
Co-worker Bri Winthrop watched as Long’s continued attempts to engage the customers were ignored.
“She went from annoyed to flustered to scared pretty quick,” said Winthrop. “If I wasn’t elbow-deep wiping out the coolers I would have walked over there.”
Long listened as the customers flip-flopped between burgers and pizza. She began to worry that maybe her whole life had been a hallucination and her physical self was actually nothing more than a projection of her perceived consciousness.
“I mean, they walked up to the register to order,” said Long. “The only reason they wouldn’t start placing an order would be if there wasn’t someone there to take it.” She admitted to leaning slightly into the register to see if it would wobble.
Finally, the customers decided that burgers would be too heavy because realistically they would also get fries and if they wanted to look good tonight they had better eat something light. They turned to Long just before she tipped into full madness.
“Do you know any good sushi places around here?”
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Josh Rank is a writer and coffee shop worker person. He is thirty feet tall and invisible. More ramblings can be found at www.joshrank.com.
