This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. By Eric Dong KAILUA-KONA, HI— Chaos broke out at a local cafe today after new hire and ex-Starbucks employee Gabriel Scott posed a hypothetical scenario in which a guest orders an iced cappuccino, sparking a loud and heated debate. Although the conflict began mid-shift,…
Baby Oats Deprived of Nourishment as Humans Steal their Mothers’ Milk, Study Finds
This piece is dedicated to Weihong Zhang, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. By Zac Hyde In what surely comes as shocking news to the milk-alternative drinking community, millions of baby oats around the globe are apparently being deprived of adequate nourishment as demands for oat milk skyrocket among humans, according to a recent study. The public response to…
Louisville Barista Wins Nobel Prize for “Literally Leaving No Room”
This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we appreciate. By Cody Barnhart LOUISVILLE, KY— In what scientists have called “a masterpiece of surface tension,” Louisville barista Jennifer Guevara was recently awarded the 2018 Nobel Prize in Physics for “outstanding advancement in regard to science’s understanding of coffee particle distribution and beverage surface tension.” Some might marvel at…
New “Indirect Trade” Ad Campaign Celebrates Opacity
This piece is dedicated to Eric Dong, our excellent Patreon supporter and contributor whom we love and appreciate. By Joe Marrocco A successful mid-sized coffee roaster based in Springfield recently launched a new marketing campaign geared around the concept of “Indirect Trade Coffee.” I was able to sit down and chat with co-owner Makara Lowry about this movement and the…
Barista Charges Less for Coffee He Doesn’t Like
This piece is dedicated to Weihong Zhang, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. By Lucas Haladki NASHVILLE, TN— On looking over his Square receipts for the week, specialty coffee lover Matt Martinez was surprised to find he had been charged $1.75 for “2 xtra shots” at his favorite local shop instead of the regular $3.75 for…
New “Coffee on a Cop” Program Widely Misinterpreted
KANSAS CITY, KS— A national “Coffee on a Cop” program, launched last week, is being widely misinterpreted across the country. The program, intended as a national effort to foster goodwill and communication between police and their constituencies, allowed coffee lovers to come to some of their favorite local coffee shops and have a police officer buy them a…
Barista ‘Broken’ after Finding Favorite Beans in Local Supermarket
By Jack Crisfield LONDON, UK— London barista Alex Benn recently expressed disgust on finding that his favorite roaster’s espresso blend is now available for “mass consumption” in his local supermarket. Benn, head barista of a notoriously successful coffee shop in Dalston, claims his spirit and faith in the coffee industry has been ‘broken’ in response to the…
Blends Cool Again, Declares Coffee Pundit who Previously Declared Blends Uncool
This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. NEW YORK CITY, NY— Breaking news coming out of Manhattan today as renowned coffee consultant, entrepreneur, roaster, and five-time regional barista champion Allen Eisner declared blends to be “cool again.” Mr. Eisner was also the person who had previously declared them “uncool,” and “so…
New Cafe Lets You Cuddle and Adopt Adorable Vampire Bats
HONOLULU, HI— You’re probably familiar with cat cafes, but this week, a brand-new concept has emerged with the launch of Honolulu’s beautiful new bat cafe, which allows guests to cuddle with and even adopt adorable vampire bats. With a concept this original, we had to check it out for ourselves. We flew to Hawaii to attend the soft opening,…
Slurp of Excellence Finalist Sets Record for High Decibel Cupping
By Chris Kornman DUBLIN, OH— Unconfirmed news breaking from Dublin, Ohio, today where Q-Grader and self-described “power-slurper” Keith Underwood has set an international record for the highest recorded cupping slurp level at 128 decibels. In total, three of the top five cup tasters logged sounds at or above the previously established record of 122 in last year’s…