Cafe, Customer Service

Other Barista Knows My Order, Says Customer

A cash register screen shows a readout of the customer's change.

  This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our most excellent Patreon supporter without whom we couldn’t do this.    By Adam Heffelfinger   ANNAPOLIS, MD— The morning rush was in full swing at one local coffee shop this morning when housewife Julianne Akers reached the front of the queue. Akers, 44, received a cordial greeting from barista Rachael Ng, 27, who…

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New Findings

Coffee Cocktails: the Next Four Loko?

A cocktail that's brownish-orange in a coup glass with a dried lime slice on top.

  ATLANTA, GA— The Center for Disease Control and Prevention released a statement this morning warning New Years party-goers to refrain from mixing coffee and alcohol, a combination which they warn could be dangerous, even deadly.   “Remember Four Loko?” said CDC communications director Mark Leary. “Coffee cocktails follow the same principle. You can’t mix uppers and downers—it’s known to…

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Cafe, Coffee Events, Customer Service, Inspiring People

Inspiring Cafe Donates all X-mas Day Proceeds to Charity, Makes Workers Come In

A cappuccino with Christmas lights around it.

  KNOXVILLE, TN— This Christmas, one inspiring cafe set a shining example by donating all Christmas-day proceeds to the American Red Cross. We hit the scene to investigate and get a little taste of their true holiday spirit.   The cafe was all a-bustle with customers in from all over town to celebrate and donate. The air was laden with…

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Education, New Products

Mom Uses New Pourover Once, Reverts to Keurig

A teal cup of black coffee on a wicker table.

  MORRISTOWN, NJ— According to recent reports, local mom Mary Schooner used the new pourover drip cone given to her by her son Michael once, before reverting to her tried-and-true Keurig.   “It was a really nice gift,” she told the Knockbox. “Really, I love it!”   Nevertheless, reports say, she used it once, while Michael was in the room,…

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Cafe, Coffee Events, Mystery

Modular Espresso Bar Functioning Normally

A suprised person with long dark hair and red lipstick.

  This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.   By Sam Stoothoff   BROOKLYN, NEW YORK— After several years of continued maintenance, baristas at a popular local cafe were astonished to find their modular espresso machine functioning exactly as an espresso machine should.   Instead of a steam wand not functioning or water…

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Green Coffee, Inspiring People, New Products

Farmers Experimenting with “Money” Process Coffee

Honey-processed coffee drying on a black drying bed.

  By Chris Kornman   PIATÃ, BR— Deep in the high plateaus of Chapada Diamantina, in the heart of Brazil’s vast state of Bahia, Valentina Pereira Souza has cracked the code of an entirely new wave of coffee processing.   “An agronomist told me that coffee processing equipment manufacturer Pinhalense invented pulped natural process in Mogiana years ago,” said Pereira,…

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Cafe, Customer Service

Cafe Regular Leaves Bad Review After Being ‘Tricked’ by Flavor Notes

A white mug of filter coffee on a wooden table.

  This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we appreciate.   By Jack Crisfield   LONDON, UK— Coffee shop regular Robin Bellhouse left his favorite cafe a bad review on TripAdvisor yesterday after being recommended a single-origin filter coffee that was, according to Bellhouse, “deceptively advertised,” and “really a ripoff.”   “I have popped in every morning…

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Cafe, Mystery, Staff Drama

Barista Terrified for Life After Losing Distribution Screw

A distribution screw for an espresso machine.

  This piece is dedicated to Weihong Zhang, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.   By Lanny Huang   DETROIT, MI— At approximately 8:26pm last Sunday, sources reported that local barista Miles Thomas lost a distribution screw down the drain at the coffee shop where he’d just started working during a solo closing shift.   “It happened so fast,”…

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