Cafe, Customer Service

Broke Barista Coincidentally Very Nice Today

A smiling barista in a white chef shirt with brown hair and facial hair leans against a bar next to an empty coffee grinder.

  By Sam Stoothoff   This piece is dedicated to the ever-excellent Morgan Russell, our Patreon supporter whom we appreciate.    ATLANTA, GA— Local barista Sean McAllister has been greeting everyone with “unusual warmth and compassion for the entirety of his shift,” according to reports. In a completely unrelated coincidence, he also happens to have run out of money until his next…

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Cafe, Coffee Events, Customer Service

Fourth of July Ruined When Dude in Uncle Sam Outfit Walks Around Cafe For Hours Calling Everyone a Snowflake

A tired-looking person with long blonde hair and clear glasses sits at a wooden table with a pink notebook in front of her, with a string of lights and some leaves in the background.

  SAN FRANCISCO, CA— The Fourth of July was ruined for the crew of one local cafe when an overzealous guest wearing an Uncle Sam outfit walked around the shop for several hours calling all of the baristas and customers snowflakes and yelling the lyrics to “She’s a Grand Old Flag.”   We got on the scene to investigate and…

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Cafe

Cafe Owner Misses Being “Just a Barista”

A man sits at an outdoor cafe at a wooden table typing on a laptop. He has brown hair and a beard and is wearing a gray suit.

  SEATTLE, WA— Local coffee shop owner Shawn Jameson misses the days when he was “just a barista.”   Jameson purchased his small coffee shop eight years ago, wanting to own his own space and run a shop the way he envisioned. Now, almost a decade later, he misses the days when he was “just a barista” with no extra…

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Cafe, Staff Drama

Accidental Ass-Touch Shakes Things Up In Philadelphia Cafe

Two dark-haired women laughing together in front of a window.

  This piece is dedicated to Daria Whalen, a most excellent day one Patreon supporter whom we will cherish eternally.    PHILADELPHIA, PA— This morning, an accidental ass-touch shook things up at a popular Philadelphia coffee chain when barista Amanda Baimer turned around with her palm outspread for a low-five and instead received a heaping handful of ass.   “It was…

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Cafe, Customer Service, Staff Drama

Cafe Customer Receives Serious Shade After Joke About Why He Won’t Tip

A tip jar with a few dollars in it sits on a brightly lit counter.

  SAN FRANCISCO, CA— Local customer Brian Dean received some serious shade today after making a joke about the fact that he didn’t intend to tip—a fateful decision which would permanently alter the course of his week.   When Dean went to get his morning coffee from his usual shop, he was feeling especially gregarious. While being rung up, he…

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Cafe, New Products

Ambitious Barista Proudly Unveils New Tamper, Drops it and Ruins Base

A hand holds a tamper just after using it to compact espresso grounds before pulling a shot.

  CINCINNATI, OH— This morning, ambitious barista Sarah Metcalf proudly showed coworkers the expensive new specialty tamper she had custom-purchased online, just before dropping it on the floor and ruining the base.   Metcalf, who has worked as a barista for three years and describes herself as “very passionate,” purchased the new tamper (a tool that compacts espresso grounds before…

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