LOS ANGELES, CA— This weekend saw the launch of a brand-new venture that promises a veritable utopia for service workers everywhere: a customer-free cafe. The cafe, which is for baristas only, will be run as a collective by a group of veteran LA spro-slingers. Our reporters attended the soft opening this weekend and caught up with the cafe…
Author: RJ Joseph
Macho Roaster Lifts Entire Bag of Green Coffee, Hurts Back
BOSTON, MA— Local roaster Kent Dunney is out of work this week after lifting an entire 154 lb bag of green coffee and hurting his back. Our reporters visited Dunney in his apartment, where it was immediately clear that he had been binging Netflix’s newest releases and eating takeout during his recuperation. He seemed in good spirits considering the…
Pro-Wrestling Themed Coffee Meme Instagram Account Sheds Light on Real Issues
All across the United States, coffee lovers are looking at their phones and laughing, but also thinking about real issues that affect the specialty coffee world. All of this comes courtesy of new Instagram coffee meme account CM Puck, an account which takes a deep and unflinching look into the challenges faced at all levels of the supply chain…
Coffee Cherries Only Moderately Delicious Compared to Coffee, Finds Devastated Barista
WICHITA, KS— Barista Sara Katz was devastated this morning after finally tasting coffee cherries for the first time and discovering that they are, in fact, only moderately delicious when compared to actual coffee. At the time of the fateful tasting, Katz had been working in coffee for four years and wanted to taste actual dried coffee cherries, also…
Cafe Customer Receives Serious Shade After Joke About Why He Won’t Tip
SAN FRANCISCO, CA— Local customer Brian Dean received some serious shade today after making a joke about the fact that he didn’t intend to tip—a fateful decision which would permanently alter the course of his week. When Dean went to get his morning coffee from his usual shop, he was feeling especially gregarious. While being rung up, he…
Ambitious Barista Proudly Unveils New Tamper, Drops it and Ruins Base
CINCINNATI, OH— This morning, ambitious barista Sarah Metcalf proudly showed coworkers the expensive new specialty tamper she had custom-purchased online, just before dropping it on the floor and ruining the base. Metcalf, who has worked as a barista for three years and describes herself as “very passionate,” purchased the new tamper (a tool that compacts espresso grounds before…
New Coffee Beer Launches, Tastes Okay
PORTLAND, OR— This weekend in Portland, two local companies joined forces to create a new coffee stout. This union presented an occasion for excitement in the local coffee and beer communities and was feted at a launch party this Saturday. Knockbox reporters hit the scene to see what the buzz was all about. Event attendees had a lot…
Staff Meeting Drama Comes to a Head as Barista who “Never Sweeps” Says that Everyone Else Never Sweeps
SAN DIEGO, CA— This weekend at one San Diego cafe, drama exploded as the barista who “never sweeps” raised a complaint about no one else ever sweeping. According to witnesses, the staff meeting was progressing as planned, the necessary announcements having been dispatched, until individual members of the group were invited to bring up issues. Maura Jackson, who…
Conflict Brews as Barista Explains that Macchiatos are “Actually” Really Small
SEATTLE, WA—When graphic designer and coffee lover Karen Jones went into a specialty cafe this morning, she was in for a surprise. After ordering a macchiato, Jones was told by on-shift barista James Melman that macchiatos are “actually” super small. Trying to convey the gravity of the situation, Melman used his fingers to demonstrate the size of the beverage…
Coffee Shop Customer Writes Negative Review, Feels a Little Better
SAN JOSE, CA—This morning after a cafe experience that left him displeased, local coffee shop customer Charles Duverne wrote a negative review and reportedly felt “a little better. Our reporters talked to Duverne about his experience. “It was bullshit. I just wanted them to give me hazelnut syrup, but instead the barista decided to be a rude…