Cafe, Customer Service

Cafe Regular Leaves Bad Review After Being ‘Tricked’ by Flavor Notes

A white mug of filter coffee on a wooden table.

  This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we appreciate.   By Jack Crisfield   LONDON, UK— Coffee shop regular Robin Bellhouse left his favorite cafe a bad review on TripAdvisor yesterday after being recommended a single-origin filter coffee that was, according to Bellhouse, “deceptively advertised,” and “really a ripoff.”   “I have popped in every morning…

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Cafe, Coffee Events, New Products

New Black Hole Mocha Perfect for Fans of Strong Coffee Who Also Never Want to Be Seen Again

A charcoal latter in a black cup sits on a white table.

  By Camillia Nazanan   CAMBRIDGE, MA— Coffee enthusiasts with the desire to witness spacetime twisting in on itself finally have reason to rejoice. A Cambridge cafe with a sizable student following has debuted its newest product, the Black Hole Mocha, which promises patrons the taste sensation and physics lesson of a lifetime.   Our reporters rushed to the unveiling,…

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Cafe, Staff Drama

New Cafe Hire Admits Love of Iced Cappuccinos, Immediately Regrets It

An iced cappuccino on a white and red polka dot table.

  By Camillia Nazanin   This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our most excellent Patreon supporter without whom we couldn’t do this.    ST. LOUIS, MO— Leila Quinn, a recent hire at a bustling St. Louis cafe, received a slew of negative feedback from coworkers after casually revealing her preference for iced cappuccinos.   Previously a barista at Starbucks, Quinn was…

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Cafe, Education, Inspiring People

Barista Thinks of Perfect Analogy for Microfoamed Milk

A barista holds a white cappuccino cup and pours perfectly textured milk into espresso.

  This piece is dedicated to Weihong Zhang, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.   By Nathanael May   CHARLOTTE, NC— Eschewing the standard options of “melted ice cream” and “wet paint,” local barista and aspiring shift lead Braedyn Kellson discovered what she believed to be the perfect analogy for teaching new baristas the expected texture of properly steamed…

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Cafe, Customer Service

Barista Calls Customer by Wrong Name for 6 Months; Customer Reportedly Okay With It

A counter at a coffee shop with a to-go cup that says Scott on the sleeve.

  By Christopher Vasquez   PORTLAND, OR— A barista at one Portland cafe came face-to-face with his own shortcomings when it became apparent that he had spent the last six months calling regular customer Mark Wilde by the wrong name. The customer is reportedly both unoffended and unphased.   According to witnesses, barista Eddie Wong had called out, “Hey Scott,…

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Cafe, Staff Drama

Barista Reads Coffee Pro Blog Post, Confused That Espresso Tastes Bad

An espresso shot brews into a glass cup.

  This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.   By Colton Kirby   NEW YORK, NY— Over the weekend, eager new barista Freddie Stapp read a blog post by a former world barista champion regarding extraction percentages and TDS numbers. Heavy with the knowledge that his cafe was failing to utilize, Stapp showed…

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Cafe, Coffee Events, Mystery

Barista Unwittingly Pulls Fabled “Devil Shot”

An espresso shot pulls into a white cup in a dim atmosphere.

  By Sam Stoothoff   SALEM, MA— A local cafe was enveloped in a shroud of darkness early Wednesday morning when barista Erin Valor pulled what baristas across the world know as the “devil shot.”   According to reports, onlookers heard a deep, sickly, rumbling voice described as coming, “from the deep,” and being, “profoundly upsetting.” Patrons we talked to…

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Cafe, Customer Service

Barista Struggling to Dial In Concludes Grinder is Being Weird Today

A person grinds coffee into a portafilter.

  This piece is dedicated to Weihong Zhang, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.   By Jorge Gadala-Maria   WASHINGTON, DC— After a gallant attempt to dial-in on Monday morning at a busy downtown DC cafe, barista Lindsey Nowles concluded that the coffeehouse’s high-end grinder was simply “being weird” today.       “It could be the heat and humidity,…

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