Cafe, Coffee Events, Customer Service

Anti-Bias Training Teaches Baristas to Respect All Roast Levels

Students sit in a classroom, shown from the chest down, holding notebooks and pens.

OKLAHOMA CITY, OK— A local cafe chain is implementing a new anti-bias training program to teach baristas to respect coffees of all roast levels. While many are skeptical of the efficacy of anti-bias trainings, owner Helen Jones believes that it’s a necessary first step in eliminating bias not only in baristas, but in the wider community. “In third-wave coffee shops.…

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Cafe, Customer Service, Staff Drama

Barista Disgruntled After Customer Friend-Requests Her on Facebook

A person holds their phone in both hands, looking at it. The phone is silver and the person is wearing several silver rings on their fingers.

PITTSBURGH, PA— Local barista Aisha Khan was disgruntled today when a regular customer at her coffee shop requested her friendship on Facebook. Our reporters hit the scene to investigate. “I mean, we interact a few times a week, but it’s not like we’re actual friends,” she told us. “I don’t want to share my political views and, like, pictures of…

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Cafe, Customer Service

Cafe Gets Rid of Wifi to Encourage Customer Conversations About Lack of WiFi

A person has their hands poised over a silver laptop ready to write, with a notebook and cell phone next to it.

This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we appreciate. BURLINGTON, VT— A popular Burlington cafe recently jettisoned its WiFi connection in a bid to encourage higher seat turnover within the cafe’s limited space as well as “to encourage customers to have conversations instead of just sitting on their computers.” Witnesses report that customer conversation has indeed increased,…

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Cafe, Customer Service, Inspiring People

Patient Barista Holds Tongue as Customer Tries to Pronounce “Cafe Au Lait”

A man with dark and bleached hair, leather jacket, and a hat stands in front of a teal corrugated wall.

  By Camillia Nazanin   ORLANDO, FL— Mild-mannered barista Kenneth Richards has become a local hero following his encounter with a customer who struggled to pronounce “cafe au lait.”   Our reporters followed up with Richards, who was all smiles.   “She was a sweet old lady with a charming Southern accent,” he recalled. “She came up to the counter,…

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Cafe, Customer Service

Customer Orders Iced Espresso in Large Cup, Actually Consumes It That Way

A blonde woman sits at a white computer in front of a window.

This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our very excellent Patreon supporter. We couldn’t do this without him. PITTSBURGH, PA— When customer Martina Lane ordered an iced espresso in a large to-go cup this morning at a local cafe, she did the last thing anyone expected. Rather than immediately taking it over to the condiment station to fill it with milk and…

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Cafe, Customer Service

Barista Describes Single-Origin Espresso as “Bright and Fruity”

An espresso in a white cup site on a gray saucer with a small silver spoon on a wooden table.

  By Reed Liebezeit    LOS ANGELES, CA— Barista Sebastian Benton had been back from break just one half hour today when he described his shop’s single origin espresso offering to a customer as “bright and fruity.”   It was while filling a milk pitcher for a prior order that Benton wielded the description—completely by rote and without any consideration for…

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Cafe, Customer Service

Broke Barista Coincidentally Very Nice Today

A smiling barista in a white chef shirt with brown hair and facial hair leans against a bar next to an empty coffee grinder.

  By Sam Stoothoff   This piece is dedicated to the ever-excellent Morgan Russell, our Patreon supporter whom we appreciate.    ATLANTA, GA— Local barista Sean McAllister has been greeting everyone with “unusual warmth and compassion for the entirety of his shift,” according to reports. In a completely unrelated coincidence, he also happens to have run out of money until his next…

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Cafe, Coffee Events, Customer Service

Fourth of July Ruined When Dude in Uncle Sam Outfit Walks Around Cafe For Hours Calling Everyone a Snowflake

A tired-looking person with long blonde hair and clear glasses sits at a wooden table with a pink notebook in front of her, with a string of lights and some leaves in the background.

  SAN FRANCISCO, CA— The Fourth of July was ruined for the crew of one local cafe when an overzealous guest wearing an Uncle Sam outfit walked around the shop for several hours calling all of the baristas and customers snowflakes and yelling the lyrics to “She’s a Grand Old Flag.”   We got on the scene to investigate and…

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