This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we appreciate. By Cody Barnhart LOUISVILLE, KY— In what scientists have called “a masterpiece of surface tension,” Louisville barista Jennifer Guevara was recently awarded the 2018 Nobel Prize in Physics for “outstanding advancement in regard to science’s understanding of coffee particle distribution and beverage surface tension.” Some might marvel at…
This piece is dedicated to Eric Dong, our excellent Patreon supporter and contributor whom we love and appreciate. By Joe Marrocco A successful mid-sized coffee roaster based in Springfield recently launched a new marketing campaign geared around the concept of “Indirect Trade Coffee.” I was able to sit down and chat with co-owner Makara Lowry about this movement and the…
This piece is dedicated to Weihong Zhang, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. By Lucas Haladki NASHVILLE, TN— On looking over his Square receipts for the week, specialty coffee lover Matt Martinez was surprised to find he had been charged $1.75 for “2 xtra shots” at his favorite local shop instead of the regular $3.75 for…
KANSAS CITY, KS— A national “Coffee on a Cop” program, launched last week, is being widely misinterpreted across the country. The program, intended as a national effort to foster goodwill and communication between police and their constituencies, allowed coffee lovers to come to some of their favorite local coffee shops and have a police officer buy them a…
By Jack Crisfield LONDON, UK— London barista Alex Benn recently expressed disgust on finding that his favorite roaster’s espresso blend is now available for “mass consumption” in his local supermarket. Benn, head barista of a notoriously successful coffee shop in Dalston, claims his spirit and faith in the coffee industry has been ‘broken’ in response to the…
This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. NEW YORK CITY, NY— Breaking news coming out of Manhattan today as renowned coffee consultant, entrepreneur, roaster, and five-time regional barista champion Allen Eisner declared blends to be “cool again.” Mr. Eisner was also the person who had previously declared them “uncool,” and “so…
By Chris Kornman DUBLIN, OH— Unconfirmed news breaking from Dublin, Ohio, today where Q-Grader and self-described “power-slurper” Keith Underwood has set an international record for the highest recorded cupping slurp level at 128 decibels. In total, three of the top five cup tasters logged sounds at or above the previously established record of 122 in last year’s…
This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our most excellent Patreon supporter without whom we couldn’t do this. By Adam Heffelfinger ANNAPOLIS, MD— The morning rush was in full swing at one local coffee shop this morning when housewife Julianne Akers reached the front of the queue. Akers, 44, received a cordial greeting from barista Rachael Ng, 27, who…
By Jackson O’Brien MINNEAPOLIS, MN— Local barista Natalie Krueger has spent the last few months pondering the mystery of a regular customer who, for unknown reasons, continues to order lattes and augment them with cream from the condiment bar. Knockbox reporters hit the scene to investigate. “The first time I saw him do it, I thought it…
ATLANTA, GA— The Center for Disease Control and Prevention released a statement this morning warning New Years party-goers to refrain from mixing coffee and alcohol, a combination which they warn could be dangerous, even deadly. “Remember Four Loko?” said CDC communications director Mark Leary. “Coffee cocktails follow the same principle. You can’t mix uppers and downers—it’s known to…