Local roaster Justin Peck was shocked early Friday reading the first pun-less headline by a coffee news site.
Local Roaster Burned by Unpunny Coffee Headline
Category: Roasting
Customer Seeking Freshest Beans Inquires About Beans From The Future
This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. By Caroline Robb NEW ORLEANS, LA— David Lewis, long-time occasional coffee buyer at a popular neighborhood roaster, has always exhibited the highest standards for his take-home pick. “It has to be the freshest,” he told Knockbox reporters in a press conference this morning. “If…
Blends Cool Again, Declares Coffee Pundit who Previously Declared Blends Uncool
This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. NEW YORK CITY, NY— Breaking news coming out of Manhattan today as renowned coffee consultant, entrepreneur, roaster, and five-time regional barista champion Allen Eisner declared blends to be “cool again.” Mr. Eisner was also the person who had previously declared them “uncool,” and “so…
Roaster Learns So Much Every Day (From Listening to Podcasts)
PORTLAND, ME— Local roaster Pete Lopez learns so much every day he roasts coffee—mainly from listening to podcasts. “I’ve been so grateful to be able to learn to roast. Since then, I’ve never stopped learning; every day, I learn so much.” Most of this learning, he says, is from listening to podcasts while he mindlessly roasts according to…
New Findings Suggest Roasting Coffee Bad for Coffee Farmers
Alarming new findings released today by a prominent coffee research and development nonprofit show that the process of roasting coffee brings with it extreme and direct negative impacts on farmers’ ability to grow coffee. “Our mission is and has always been to increase the global supply of quality coffee while improving the lives of those who produce it,”…
Roaster Receives Pushback for Vacation Request
LOS ANGELES, CA— Local roaster Brian Mendez has received some pushback this morning after requesting four days off in January; even more troubling, our sources say he’s not alone in this experience. “I asked for a week off in January, you know, giving them a couple months notice,” he told our reporters. “My manager was like, who’s going…
Temperature Probe Actually to Blame for Roasting Issue
MADISON, WI—The Wisconsin roasting community is in shock today after local roaster Mark Hule blamed his machine’s temperature probe for his consistently underdeveloped roasts and was actually right. When Hule brought up the issue to the small roasting company’s owner, Lars Denton, he was immediately brushed off. “That’s what roasters always say when you criticize their coffee,” said…
Desperate for Solubility, Local Roaster Tries Roasting Darker
OAKLAND, CA— Desperately trying to increase solubility, one local roaster is trying a novel approach: roasting the coffee slightly darker for a slightly longer period of time. “We’ve been banging our heads against the wall for so long on this one,” said Greg Lewin, head roaster and director of quality control for the popular local cafe and wholesaler.…
Macho Roaster Lifts Entire Bag of Green Coffee, Hurts Back
BOSTON, MA— Local roaster Kent Dunney is out of work this week after lifting an entire 154 lb bag of green coffee and hurting his back. Our reporters visited Dunney in his apartment, where it was immediately clear that he had been binging Netflix’s newest releases and eating takeout during his recuperation. He seemed in good spirits considering the…
Grassy Flavors Just Part of Terroir, Assures Local Roaster on His Company’s Facebook Page
OAKLAND, CA—When a customer took to Yelp this morning to decry a local roaster’s coffees as “grassy and underdeveloped,” the roaster decided to head to his company’s Facebook page and educate his customer base about terroir. “We had a customer post on Yelp that our coffees were grassy and underdeveloped and I just wanted to take the time…