By Josh Rank SCOTTSDALE, AZ— I know jealousy is really unbecoming, but I can produce a shot just like the two groupheads between me and the grinder. I can ramp up to a full nine bars of pressure just as well as them. Even better, probably. Their gaskets are all loose and worn out. Just look how far you have…
Customers at a well-known Chicago cafe were intrigued when 25-year-old Damien Yorke, a PhD student in the Department of Psychology at DePaul University, openly announced his New Year’s resolution to start taking his drinks “without color.”
After enjoying a cup of single-origin batch brew and a vegan muffin, customer Clarence Stevenson noticed a small gap between the table and the wall of the cafe and realized it was the exact right spot to hide his dirty napkin.
This piece is dedicated to Weihong Zhang, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. By Josh Rank DUBUQUE, IA– New hire Stephan Grant was shocked to find the espresso he had been dialing in didn’t taste like hot garbage despite having zero recollection of extraction theory. “It’s amazing,” said Grant. “It’s truly like Perger was watching over me.…
A small, family-owned Erie cafe is changing how people think about compensation in the coffee industry. In what they’re calling the Dying Wage Project, they have made a public pledge to pay each of their nine employees as little as is legally allowed, even knowing that over time, this will erode their mental and physical health, leave them no safety net in the event of emergencies, and, essentially, slowly kill them.
By William Tanzarian In a stunning turn of events, a Pomeranian named Wigglebutt has won the US Barista Championship. The four-year-old pure-bred bested many season barista competitors in its first year of competition and now moves on the World Barista Championship later this year. Wigglebutt’s victory was decisive, with many spectators stating the route was “as moving…
This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. By Josh Rank COLUMBUS, OH– Part-time barista Kyle Fleming set a personal record this afternoon by marking items off the closing checklist without actually doing them for the third consecutive day. “I really thought I was pushing it with two days in a row,”…
This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we appreciate. By Cody Barnhart LOUISVILLE, KY— In what scientists have called “a masterpiece of surface tension,” Louisville barista Jennifer Guevara was recently awarded the 2018 Nobel Prize in Physics for “outstanding advancement in regard to science’s understanding of coffee particle distribution and beverage surface tension.” Some might marvel at…
This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. NEW YORK CITY, NY— Breaking news coming out of Manhattan today as renowned coffee consultant, entrepreneur, roaster, and five-time regional barista champion Allen Eisner declared blends to be “cool again.” Mr. Eisner was also the person who had previously declared them “uncool,” and “so…
By Chris Kornman DUBLIN, OH— Unconfirmed news breaking from Dublin, Ohio, today where Q-Grader and self-described “power-slurper” Keith Underwood has set an international record for the highest recorded cupping slurp level at 128 decibels. In total, three of the top five cup tasters logged sounds at or above the previously established record of 122 in last year’s…