This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.
By Camillia Nazanin
CHICAGO, IL— Customers at a well-known Chicago cafe were intrigued when 25-year-old Damien Yorke, a PhD student in the Department of Psychology at DePaul University, openly announced his New Year’s resolution to start taking his drinks “without color.”
Our reporters asked Yorke about his newfound self-improvement strategy.
“The human mind is obviously very complex,” Yorke explained. “But if you look at the big picture, we’re constantly basing our perception of things on what we’ve experienced before. I want to show others that the smallest changes—like refusing to see coffee as brown or black—can leave an imprint on people’s brains and impact how they view society.”
When asked about how he navigates coffee-related conversation, Yorke added, “When someone wants to know how I like my coffee, I remind them that I don’t see roast time or temperature. In the end, it all comes from beans. Why focus on arbitrary differences?”
“I was a little weirded out when he stood up and just told a bunch of strangers about his New Year’s goal,” said Sai Bhamra, a DePaul undergraduate and cafe regular. “It doesn’t make much sense to me, but he put his AirPods back in before I could ask him about it.”
Another patron who wished to remain anonymous claimed that Yorke’s resolution serves no purpose. “People like him are why we can’t talk about drinks normally. There’s always some asshat who has to make a big deal out of everything.”
Despite the criticism, Yorke plans to stay true to his decision and incorporate its results into his dissertation, posting updates on his Wix website in the meantime.
If you laughed, support The Knockbox with a monthly or one-time donation through our Patreon or Cashapp.
Camillia Nazanin is a writer and contributor who doesn’t understand why iced coffee needs whipped cream. When she’s not working, you can find her doodling, reminiscing with old-school Nintendo, or looking at the stars.
