By Matthew Helms
TUSCON, AZ— Knockbox reporter Michelle Semback was paying an off-duty visit to her neighborhood cafe last Wednesday when she overheard two customers whooping loudly. Semback turned to see the men, who appeared to be in their thirties, exchanging enthusiastic high-fives over a two-top table near the front window of the shop.
Semback investigated and discovered the cause for celebration. Tice McNoughton, a customer who had just picked up his cappuccino from the bar, went to set it down and immediately realized that the table he and his coworker Brandon had chosen was unstable. In fact, it was so wobbly that a bit of micro-foam spilled over the lip of the 5 oz mug onto the saucer.
At that point, McNoughton knew he had to do something, fast.
“I was like, ‘Brandon, hold up, don’t set your latte down!’” McNoughton recalled. “I didn’t want his drink to spill like mine did.”
McNoughton then sprang into action, quickly grabbing a napkin from the nearby condiment bar and folding it once upon itself, and then again. But it still wasn’t thick enough to do the job. That’s when his coworker Brandon encouraged him to try folding the napkin one more time.
“I just had a feeling it would work,” Brandon gushed. “And sure enough, that third fold did the trick. Table was rock solid.”
Not everyone in the cafe was thrilled at the news, however.
Jules Voorhees, the cafe’s manager, took the long view. “I hate it,” she admitted. “I mean, I’m glad the table isn’t wobbly anymore. But what’s gonna happen when the closing barista mops the floor tonight? The napkin’s gonna soak up mop-water and get all weird and moist. And we have plastic shims for that anyways, but people keep taking them. What I’d really like is a better table.”
As of press time, it was unclear whether or not the napkin had indeed been replaced with a plastic shim. We will bring you more updates as they become available.
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Matt Helms is or has been a woodworker, actor, barista, trail runner, and writer. He lives in Portland, Oregon with his wife and daughters and their beloved chiweenie, Lulu.
