Cafe, Staff Drama

Conflict Over Plant-Based Milk Alternatives Splits Workforce at New Jersey Cafe

A hand pours latte art from a silver pitcher into a white cappuccino cup.

  By Mat North   RED BANK, NJ— As word of a growing conflict over plant-based milk alternatives in one New Jersey cafe spread throughout the internet, the Knockbox hit the scene to investigate.   Over the previous week, a fight had broken out over the management’s choice of plant-based milk alternative, sundering the unity the formerly tight-knit team had…

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Cafe, Coffee Events, Inspiring People, Latte Art, Staff Drama

Barista No One Likes Brings Own Tamper, Pitcher to Latte Art Throwdown

A barista with a brown apron tamps an espresso shot.

  SAN FRANCISCO, CA— Last night at a local latte art throwdown, barista Thomas Chin brought his own custom tamper and milk pitcher to make sure he could “truly demonstrate his best work.” In a perhaps-unrelated coincidence, no one likes him.   “The tamper has razor-sharp edges to prevent channeling, and I also got my initials engraved on it,” he…

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Cafe, Customer Service, Inspiring People

Sweet, Innocent New Hire Still Not Cynical and Bitter After First Week

A smiling barista in a grey shirt and yellow beanie makes drinks.

  This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.   By Zac Hyde   CHARLESTON, SC— Staff at a local coffee shop in Charleston, SC were reportedly touched this morning when they arrived to work to find that new hire Stacy Chambers had still not yet become an irredeemably bitter cynic.   Now entering…

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Cafe, Coffee Events, Customer Service

Chaos at Cash-Free Cafe After Internet Down for 15 Minutes

A barista in black speaks urgently to another barista out of frame at a white and wood cafe. A customer in black waits at the counter and the cafe is full of other customers.

  OAKLAND, CA— Chaos erupted during the morning rush at a local cash-free cafe after the internet went down and stayed down for fifteen long minutes, preventing baristas from making any formal transactions.   “It was like nothing I’ve ever seen before,” said customer Sarah Walabi, looking past me as she spoke. “The line was out the door and the…

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Coffee Events, Education, Green Coffee, Inspiring People, New Findings

At ASIC Conference, Science Experts Strongly Recommend Measuring Shit

white-gloved hand using a microscope.

  PORTLAND, OR— Last week, the Association for Science and Information on Coffee (ASIC) held its 27th biennial conference in Portland and shone a light on several critical issues affecting the future of coffee. Overall, they say, we as an industry really, really need to start measuring shit.   “As an industry, it’s super important that we work at consistently…

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Cafe, Coffee Events, Crowdfunds

Landlord Receives 30-Day Eviction Notice From Cafe Owners, Launches Crowdfund

A man in a dark grey suit sits at a wooden table holding his phone and looking at it.

  This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our most excellent Patreon supporter without whom we couldn’t do this.    SEATTLE, WA— In a shocking and heartbreaking reversal, Seattle landlord Mike Marcon of Marcon Properties has received a 30-day eviction notice from a cafe owner couple to whom he rents space. He needs your help to cover the gap.   Marcon got…

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Cafe, Customer Service

Mom Banned from Cafe After Complaining that Kid’s Temperature Hot Chocolate Too Cool

A hot chocolate with a dollop of whipped cream in a white mug on a white saucer on a light wood table.

  CINCINNATI, OH— Local mom Corinne Olson was banned from a popular Cincinnati cafe this morning after complaining that the kid’s temperature hot chocolate she ordered for her nine-year-old son Tyler was too cool.   Olson, who frequents the cafe while working on her Etsy store, often brings her son along on his days off from school. She assumed that…

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Cafe, New Findings

New Research Shows That Not Being Able to Get Splenda Makes You Really Angry

Splenda packets in a white ramikin.

  Due to long-known health risks and ever-increasing general expenses, more and more cafes are refusing to carry Splenda and other alternative sweeteners—a decision that may come with severe and unintended consequences. New research released by the Center for Disease Control this morning shows that not being able to get Splenda can make frequent users very, very angry.   “While…

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