Cafe, Coffee Events, Customer Service

Fourth of July Ruined When Dude in Uncle Sam Outfit Walks Around Cafe For Hours Calling Everyone a Snowflake

A tired-looking person with long blonde hair and clear glasses sits at a wooden table with a pink notebook in front of her, with a string of lights and some leaves in the background.

  SAN FRANCISCO, CA— The Fourth of July was ruined for the crew of one local cafe when an overzealous guest wearing an Uncle Sam outfit walked around the shop for several hours calling all of the baristas and customers snowflakes and yelling the lyrics to “She’s a Grand Old Flag.”   We got on the scene to investigate and…

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Coffee Events

Geisha Wins Cup of Excellence Competition

Bright red coffee cherries with green leaves in the background.

  By Robert Galbraith   After four grueling days of tasting, winners were announced at this year’s Cup of Excellence competition yesterday afternoon, with seven of the top ten spots held by the much-celebrated Geisha variety.   “We all cheered and gave each other high fives when we heard a Geisha had won. That it also went on to take…

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Cafe

Cafe Owner Misses Being “Just a Barista”

A man sits at an outdoor cafe at a wooden table typing on a laptop. He has brown hair and a beard and is wearing a gray suit.

  SEATTLE, WA— Local coffee shop owner Shawn Jameson misses the days when he was “just a barista.”   Jameson purchased his small coffee shop eight years ago, wanting to own his own space and run a shop the way he envisioned. Now, almost a decade later, he misses the days when he was “just a barista” with no extra…

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Cafe, Staff Drama

Accidental Ass-Touch Shakes Things Up In Philadelphia Cafe

Two dark-haired women laughing together in front of a window.

  This piece is dedicated to Daria Whalen, a most excellent day one Patreon supporter whom we will cherish eternally.    PHILADELPHIA, PA— This morning, an accidental ass-touch shook things up at a popular Philadelphia coffee chain when barista Amanda Baimer turned around with her palm outspread for a low-five and instead received a heaping handful of ass.   “It was…

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Roasting

Macho Roaster Lifts Entire Bag of Green Coffee, Hurts Back

A floppy bag of green coffee weighing 150 lb lies on a pallet next to other green coffee bags.

  BOSTON, MA— Local roaster Kent Dunney is out of work this week after lifting an entire 154 lb bag of green coffee and hurting his back. Our reporters visited Dunney in his apartment, where it was immediately clear that he had been binging Netflix’s newest releases and eating takeout during his recuperation. He seemed in good spirits considering the…

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