SAN FRANCISCO, CA— The Fourth of July was ruined for the crew of one local cafe when an overzealous guest wearing an Uncle Sam outfit walked around the shop for several hours calling all of the baristas and customers snowflakes and yelling the lyrics to “She’s a Grand Old Flag.” We got on the scene to investigate and…
By Robert Galbraith After four grueling days of tasting, winners were announced at this year’s Cup of Excellence competition yesterday afternoon, with seven of the top ten spots held by the much-celebrated Geisha variety. “We all cheered and gave each other high fives when we heard a Geisha had won. That it also went on to take…
If you needed another reason to grab a mug of your favorite morning brew, a recent study has found that coffee has the ability to very slightly improve your penmanship. The study, which researchers are hailing as just one more proof that you should drink coffee as much as possible, showed that people who had at least two…
This piece is dedicated to Nathanael May, one of our first Patreon supporters, to whom we are forever grateful. WASHINGTON, D.C.— A joyous day was had by all at one D.C. cafe last Saturday when several local patrons brought their dogs—all of whom were service dogs, not just pets—along for their weekend latte. All throughout the long summer…
SEATTLE, WA— Local coffee shop owner Shawn Jameson misses the days when he was “just a barista.” Jameson purchased his small coffee shop eight years ago, wanting to own his own space and run a shop the way he envisioned. Now, almost a decade later, he misses the days when he was “just a barista” with no extra…
This piece is dedicated to Daria Whalen, a most excellent day one Patreon supporter whom we will cherish eternally. PHILADELPHIA, PA— This morning, an accidental ass-touch shook things up at a popular Philadelphia coffee chain when barista Amanda Baimer turned around with her palm outspread for a low-five and instead received a heaping handful of ass. “It was…
If you’re enjoying The Knockbox, please donate to our Patreon to help us roast the coffee industry seven days a week. Coffee lovers across the United States and beyond were severely bored today as one popular hyper-niche coffee satire website ran an incredibly boring PBS-style pledge drive in order to guilt casual enjoyers of the site into pledging…
This piece is dedicated to Mat North, our first ever Patreon supporter whom we will always cherish. Eternal shoutouts. OKLAHOMA CITY, OK— Baristas at a local shop were in for a surprise when new patron Donald Mullen, who at first seemed much like any other cafe customer, made sure to let them know that because he used to…
LOS ANGELES, CA— This weekend saw the launch of a brand-new venture that promises a veritable utopia for service workers everywhere: a customer-free cafe. The cafe, which is for baristas only, will be run as a collective by a group of veteran LA spro-slingers. Our reporters attended the soft opening this weekend and caught up with the cafe…
BOSTON, MA— Local roaster Kent Dunney is out of work this week after lifting an entire 154 lb bag of green coffee and hurting his back. Our reporters visited Dunney in his apartment, where it was immediately clear that he had been binging Netflix’s newest releases and eating takeout during his recuperation. He seemed in good spirits considering the…