By Reed Liebezeit LOS ANGELES, CA— Barista Sebastian Benton had been back from break just one half hour today when he described his shop’s single origin espresso offering to a customer as “bright and fruity.” It was while filling a milk pitcher for a prior order that Benton wielded the description—completely by rote and without any consideration for…
RICHMOND, VA— Everything came to a halt at one Richmond cafe this morning as barista Terry Kyler made his coworker take a super cool picture of him throwing a latte so that it looked like he was using the force. “I really didn’t want to do it, but he just wouldn’t take no for an answer,” said barista…
By Chris Deferio KNOXVILLE, TN— Concerned customers and townspeople are milling about in confusion and wonder this morning after Lenny Welker, the closing barista at a local espresso bar, accidentally performed the perfect close and realized that the shop could never open again. Welker had been finishing the final item on the closing checklist when he realized…
SALT LAKE CITY, UT— Disaster struck this morning at a local cafe as barista Joe Green found out he did not get promoted to assistant manager and was subsequently super salty. Green had applied for the promotion the previous week, only to be passed up in favor of coworker Jill Yee, who currently works as a shift lead. “I think…
This piece is dedicated to Daria Whalen, a most excellent day one Patreon supporter whom we will cherish eternally. PHILADELPHIA, PA— This morning, an accidental ass-touch shook things up at a popular Philadelphia coffee chain when barista Amanda Baimer turned around with her palm outspread for a low-five and instead received a heaping handful of ass. “It was…
This piece is dedicated to Mat North, our first ever Patreon supporter whom we will always cherish. Eternal shoutouts. OKLAHOMA CITY, OK— Baristas at a local shop were in for a surprise when new patron Donald Mullen, who at first seemed much like any other cafe customer, made sure to let them know that because he used to…
WICHITA, KS— Barista Sara Katz was devastated this morning after finally tasting coffee cherries for the first time and discovering that they are, in fact, only moderately delicious when compared to actual coffee. At the time of the fateful tasting, Katz had been working in coffee for four years and wanted to taste actual dried coffee cherries, also…
SAN FRANCISCO, CA— Local customer Brian Dean received some serious shade today after making a joke about the fact that he didn’t intend to tip—a fateful decision which would permanently alter the course of his week. When Dean went to get his morning coffee from his usual shop, he was feeling especially gregarious. While being rung up, he…
CINCINNATI, OH— This morning, ambitious barista Sarah Metcalf proudly showed coworkers the expensive new specialty tamper she had custom-purchased online, just before dropping it on the floor and ruining the base. Metcalf, who has worked as a barista for three years and describes herself as “very passionate,” purchased the new tamper (a tool that compacts espresso grounds before…
SAN DIEGO, CA— This weekend at one San Diego cafe, drama exploded as the barista who “never sweeps” raised a complaint about no one else ever sweeping. According to witnesses, the staff meeting was progressing as planned, the necessary announcements having been dispatched, until individual members of the group were invited to bring up issues. Maura Jackson, who…