Cafe regular Mark Sampson came to a painful discovery on Tuesday when his favorite barista informed him that tossing back his morning double shot was not, in fact, an impressive feat to anyone.
By Eric Dong This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we appreciate. WALNUT CREEK, CA— A local coffee shop’s attempt at using homemade charcoal powders has received mixed reviews from customers and USDA. “Our espresso is a Columbia-Papua New Guinea blend with notes of dense dark chocolate, vanilla, and a buttery mouthfeel,” owner Jack Haney told Knockbox…
This piece is dedicated to Weihong Zhang, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. By Zac Hyde In what surely comes as shocking news to the milk-alternative drinking community, millions of baby oats around the globe are apparently being deprived of adequate nourishment as demands for oat milk skyrocket among humans, according to a recent study. The public response to…
This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we appreciate. By Cody Barnhart LOUISVILLE, KY— In what scientists have called “a masterpiece of surface tension,” Louisville barista Jennifer Guevara was recently awarded the 2018 Nobel Prize in Physics for “outstanding advancement in regard to science’s understanding of coffee particle distribution and beverage surface tension.” Some might marvel at…
ATLANTA, GA— The Center for Disease Control and Prevention released a statement this morning warning New Years party-goers to refrain from mixing coffee and alcohol, a combination which they warn could be dangerous, even deadly. “Remember Four Loko?” said CDC communications director Mark Leary. “Coffee cocktails follow the same principle. You can’t mix uppers and downers—it’s known to…
Alarming new findings released today by a prominent coffee research and development nonprofit show that the process of roasting coffee brings with it extreme and direct negative impacts on farmers’ ability to grow coffee. “Our mission is and has always been to increase the global supply of quality coffee while improving the lives of those who produce it,”…
LOS ANGELES, CA— Local roaster Brian Mendez has received some pushback this morning after requesting four days off in January; even more troubling, our sources say he’s not alone in this experience. “I asked for a week off in January, you know, giving them a couple months notice,” he told our reporters. “My manager was like, who’s going…
PORTLAND, OR— Last week, the Association for Science and Information on Coffee (ASIC) held its 27th biennial conference in Portland and shone a light on several critical issues affecting the future of coffee. Overall, they say, we as an industry really, really need to start measuring shit. “As an industry, it’s super important that we work at consistently…
Due to long-known health risks and ever-increasing general expenses, more and more cafes are refusing to carry Splenda and other alternative sweeteners—a decision that may come with severe and unintended consequences. New research released by the Center for Disease Control this morning shows that not being able to get Splenda can make frequent users very, very angry. “While…
DAVIS, CA— A shocking new study put out by UC Davis’s coffee campus has found that batch brew coffee comes with a dangerously common brewing error: not turning on the machine. After a series of rigorous testing over the last six months, the results are, according to the report, undeniable: at least one in five batches of batch…