By Josh Rank
MILWAUKEE, WI – Ignoring a series of cues from the cafe staff surrounding him, volunteer pallbearer Rufus Shlockley refreshed his Facebook feed for the tenth time Saturday evening as baristas started sweeping around him.
“They don’t close until 8 pm,” said Shlockley. “I’ll be damned if I’m going to be bullied into leaving a minute earlier.”
Alone in the coffee shop besides two sighing baristas, Shlockley held tight to a mug, the remnants of an hours-old latte firmly dried throughout the interior. He watched over the previous half-hour as they wiped down tables, cleared dishes, and swept every inch of the cafe besides the small area beneath his chair.
“Sure, I could go home,” said Shlockley. “I could even go to another coffee shop down the street that stays open until 10. But I’m not going to do that. If they don’t like working until the very last second of their operational hours, they can live on the street and eat garbage for all I care.”
When reached for comment, barista Ryan Shelter only said, “I don’t have time for this,” as he counted the money in the register.
“The way I see it, this is a matter of rights,” said Shlockley. “As a paying customer, I should be allowed to take a dump on the floor if I so please.”
Shlockley proceeded to open his extensive Yelp account at 7:58 pm. He was still undecided if the baristas’ obvious annoyance would cost the establishment another one or two stars off of his planned three-star review.
If you laughed, support The Knockbox with a monthly or one-time donation through our Patreon or Cashapp.
Josh Rank is a writer and coffee shop worker person. He is thirty feet tall and invisible. More ramblings can be found at www.joshrank.com.
