By Josh Rank
SCOTTSDALE, AZ— I know jealousy is really unbecoming, but I can produce a shot just like the two groupheads between me and the grinder. I can ramp up to a full nine bars of pressure just as well as them. Even better, probably. Their gaskets are all loose and worn out. Just look how far you have to turn those portafilters to get them in there tight. I don’t need more than thirty degrees, tops, to create a watertight seal.
It seems like you baristas only come all the way down to me when it gets really busy. Oh, you have to make three iced caramel lattes at once and you come crawling all the way to the far end of the espresso machine? Where were you when you needed that single cappuccino right after shift change? That’s right; you were down there with your best friend, #1.
I don’t mean to come across as angry. It’s the way I was raised. I can’t express my disappointments without using anger as a defense mechanism. I’ve been working on it with the technician after hours, but he says I need to work on my flow rate. Personally, I think that’s none of his business.
All this to say, take the extra step past those glory hogs once in a while and give me a chance. I can be so much more to you than a little extra help during a rush. I can do your heavy lifting even when nobody’s waiting at the register.
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Josh Rank is a writer and coffee shop worker person. He is thirty feet tall and invisible. More ramblings can be found at www.joshrank.com.
