This piece is dedicated to Weihong Zhang, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.
By Josh Rank
JACKSONVILLE, FLA— Local barista Adam Carter admitted late Tuesday that his favorite part of working in a coffee shop is when a customer comes in minutes after closing time.
“I don’t know what it is, but man, watching that look of disappointment wash over their face when I tell them the machines are turned off feels like winning a thousand championships on my birthday,” said Carter.
When asked for a reason he enjoys ruining people’s evenings, he simply shrugged. “I think it’s the way their whole body morphs. They get that sad-sack oh shucks look on their face, their shoulders sag, and you get to watch their brain try to compute the fact that the world is not, in fact, as they originally thought. Then they drag their feet as they retreat out the door while attempting to reconfigure their existence.”
Carter laughed and shook his head as he recalled telling a small family they would have to look elsewhere for their caramel lattes. “What…what do you mean?” he said, mocking the unfortunate soul who happened upon the cafe three minutes past 6pm. “The guy, he just stood there with his palms up going ‘What do you mean?’ What do you mean, man. We’re closed. Shut up and get out.”
Not normally one to enjoy other people’s misery, Carter has taken to switching any opening shifts to closing shifts for the next two schedules. “Sure, I get out a bit later. But man, it’s better than a full body massage when you get to shatter someone’s hopes and dreams after close.”
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