This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.
By Josh Rank
I get it. I have a hole on top where you can toss stuff in. That must be kind of confusing. But just for the record: I am not, in fact, a garbage can.
I am a tip jar; a magical little container that brings great joy to those who employ my services. There should be no associations with me or my kind other than generosity and happiness. Sometimes, though, people get a little confused. It’s okay. We all get confused sometimes. But I am not the proper place to throw straw wrappers and used stir sticks. Those are meant for the garbage can, which I am not.
Here’s a few tricks to help you the next time you are trying to decide where you should put your trash. Is the container lined with a plastic bag? Toss that crap right in there. Are there dollar bills and change in there? Hold your horses, chief. That’s a tip jar. Is the container near a table covered in single-use items? Sounds like a garbage can to me. Is it right next to the register? If so, that’s a tip jar.
You see, it’s actually not extremely difficult to tell the difference between good ol’ tip jars like myself and a garbage can. In fact, if you’re still confused as to which is which, you can just bend your body over a little bit and use the eyeballs inside of your head to look inside. If you see garbage, go ahead and throw your garbage in. But if you see money, it’s a tip jar.
Thanks for listening. And please spread the word.
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