MELBOURNE, AU— Entrepreneur and three-time Australian barista champion Stephen Volpe recently announced the launch of a new water additive that will “finally make it possible to brew great coffee with water.”
“As many of you know, coffee is 98% water,” he told reporters in a recent press conference. “So the water matters. But right now, the water we see out there in the world just isn’t cutting it.”
According to Volpe, gone are the days where you could just casually brew coffee with water. But, “This additive will take water and make it actually possible to brew coffee with it. We firmly believe it will be a complete game-changer.”
When asked how the new additive works, he answered, “Our proprietary formula is specially calibrated to render your water, whatever its makeup is, perfect for brewing coffee.”
His associates then passed out several samples, which, when opened, looked and tasted like baking soda. This story is still developing.
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