OAKLAND, CA— Cafes all over the state of California are reeling as a new ruling mandates that all pumpkin spice beverages be labeled “squash spice.”
Douglas Hune, the judge responsible for the controversial ruling, had this to say at a press conference this morning: “I’m aware that to some, this might not seem justified, but it is our moral responsibility to make sure that consumers know what exactly they are purchasing. It is our job to stand with consumers against corporations that can be duplicitous.”
We asked customers leaving a popular coffee chain known for its pumpkin spice beverages what they thought about the new ruling.
“It’s made with squash?” asked Kendra Tallis. “Weird! Anyway, it’s delicious so I don’t give a shit.”
“I guess that’s fine,” shrugged Don McDougall. “I don’t really care.”
Cafe manager Michael Edwards had strong feelings. “It’s laws like this that lead to predatory litigation. I see where it’s coming from, but this will harm small businesses, and I’m just not sure who’s looking out for the little guy on this one.”
Trade organization Specialty Coffee Association has put out a press release stating that they intend to appeal the “baseless” ruling.
If you laughed, support The Knockbox with a monthly or one-time donation through our Patreon or Cashapp.