By Jack Crisfield
LONDON, UK— The owner of an award-winning South London coffee shop was left shocked today as a fresh-off-the-boat Australian told her that good coffee simply cannot be found in London.
Shane Brown of Melbourne Australia, who has lived in the UK for two weeks, insisted that “there’s just nothing good here” during a conversation with the owner.
“It was odd,” remarked cafe owner Annie Borough. “One minute we were just chatting about the house espresso, the next it felt like I was coaching him through a mild tantrum.”
In an attempt cheer Brown up, Borough offered him an espresso on the house. This only upset Brown further. He complained it was “far too strong and bitter” and asked Borough for some sugar.
Spoiled by the delights of Melbourne’s internationally renowned coffee culture, Brown claims that espresso in the UK is very hit and miss. Since living in the UK his longing for the perfect espresso has been unquenched, despite every effort to find it.
Reports say he has tried one or two coffee shops in the Norwood area, but has yet to have any success.
“Mate, it’s just not the same,” exclaimed Brown as he was handed his single shot vanilla soya latte. He left after complaining his beverage was not hot enough, muttering something inaudible about extraction.
Jack Crisfield is a barista and postgraduate student based in London, UK.
If you laughed, support The Knockbox with a monthly or one-time donation through our Patreon or Cashapp.
