SEATTLE, WA— This week in Seattle, a new drink is desperately trying to get noticed: the cabbage latte. Made by stirring a small amount of dried, ground cabbage into an espresso shot before adding milk, the cabbage latte really wants to happen, but it seems like no one gives a shit enough to even dignify this as clickbait.
“What if you could get your daily dose of cabbage first thing in your morning latte?” asked the creator of the cabbage latte, cafe owner Karen Clehan, smiling desperately. “Wouldn’t that be great? Well now you can!”
She then made reporters a cabbage latte, which tasted kind of weird but also profoundly unremarkable.
Sources tell us that Clehan has sent a “viral video” link to several different media outlets in order to try to make it happen, but that interest is tepid at best. This story is still developing.
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