This piece is dedicated to Amanda Amato, Patreon supporter, badass, and friend.
BUFFALO, NY— Feathers are ruffled all over the city of Buffalo as cafe owners and guests discover that a feminist vigilante has placed boxes of tampons in every cafe restroom across the city.
“I think it’s a menace,” said Stephen Chell, owner of a popular cafe with multiple locations, all of which have been tamponed. “It should be the choice of cafe owners and cafe owners alone whether we want to supply our customers with” (he lowered his voice) “feminine hygiene products.”
“I think whoever’s doing it is very brave,” said Michelle Yen, a local student and coffee lover. “The work itself must be so daunting, but they’re just out there doing it anonymously for the good of people everywhere.”
“I just wish we knew who was doing it,” said local male feminist Samuel Stapleton. “I’d love to shake their hand and buy them a beer.”
“I don’t have anything against tampons, but I think it’s unsafe to encourage vigilantism of any kind,” said Mikaela Roche, a local soccer mom and latte sipper. “Without knowing who it is, how can we ensure accountability?”
Some cafes are removing the tampons, but others are embracing them. One cafe even boasted “Now with bathroom tampons” on their outdoor offerings board.
Who is this mysterious vigilante and what are their motives? Are they a hero, or a menace to our ordered society? We may never know for sure.
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