This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our very excellent Patreon supporter. We couldn’t do this without him.
PITTSBURGH, PA— When customer Martina Lane ordered an iced espresso in a large to-go cup this morning at a local cafe, she did the last thing anyone expected. Rather than immediately taking it over to the condiment station to fill it with milk and sugar, saving two dollars on the iced latte baristas assumed she actually wanted, she took it to a table and consumed it exactly as she had ordered it.
Cafe staff watched the display in shock and awe.
“I’ve never in my seven years as a barista seen someone do that before,” said Eddie Suzuki, a shift lead at the cafe. “That order has never in all of barista history not been used to scam the system. I don’t even know how to feel right now.”
“I think we should give her some kind of award or something,” said Delaney Ahmad, a barista and part-time student. “Whew. What a day.”
“I just really wanted an iced espresso but with a lot of room to not spill it when I walked to my table,” Lane told our reporters matter-of-factly. “I got it in a to-go cup in case I have to run out before I finish it.”
With their faith in humanity’s potential restored, the baristas went on to have a really nice day.
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