Cafe

Cafe Owner Misses Being “Just a Barista”

A man sits at an outdoor cafe at a wooden table typing on a laptop. He has brown hair and a beard and is wearing a gray suit.

  SEATTLE, WA— Local coffee shop owner Shawn Jameson misses the days when he was “just a barista.”   Jameson purchased his small coffee shop eight years ago, wanting to own his own space and run a shop the way he envisioned. Now, almost a decade later, he misses the days when he was “just a barista” with no extra…

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Cafe, Staff Drama

Accidental Ass-Touch Shakes Things Up In Philadelphia Cafe

Two dark-haired women laughing together in front of a window.

  This piece is dedicated to Daria Whalen, a most excellent day one Patreon supporter whom we will cherish eternally.    PHILADELPHIA, PA— This morning, an accidental ass-touch shook things up at a popular Philadelphia coffee chain when barista Amanda Baimer turned around with her palm outspread for a low-five and instead received a heaping handful of ass.   “It was…

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Roasting

Macho Roaster Lifts Entire Bag of Green Coffee, Hurts Back

A floppy bag of green coffee weighing 150 lb lies on a pallet next to other green coffee bags.

  BOSTON, MA— Local roaster Kent Dunney is out of work this week after lifting an entire 154 lb bag of green coffee and hurting his back. Our reporters visited Dunney in his apartment, where it was immediately clear that he had been binging Netflix’s newest releases and eating takeout during his recuperation. He seemed in good spirits considering the…

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Cafe, Customer Service, Staff Drama

Cafe Customer Receives Serious Shade After Joke About Why He Won’t Tip

A tip jar with a few dollars in it sits on a brightly lit counter.

  SAN FRANCISCO, CA— Local customer Brian Dean received some serious shade today after making a joke about the fact that he didn’t intend to tip—a fateful decision which would permanently alter the course of his week.   When Dean went to get his morning coffee from his usual shop, he was feeling especially gregarious. While being rung up, he…

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