Cafe, Coffee Events, Customer Service

Chaos at Cash-Free Cafe After Internet Down for 15 Minutes

A barista in black speaks urgently to another barista out of frame at a white and wood cafe. A customer in black waits at the counter and the cafe is full of other customers.

  OAKLAND, CA— Chaos erupted during the morning rush at a local cash-free cafe after the internet went down and stayed down for fifteen long minutes, preventing baristas from making any formal transactions.   “It was like nothing I’ve ever seen before,” said customer Sarah Walabi, looking past me as she spoke. “The line was out the door and the…

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Cafe, Customer Service

Mom Banned from Cafe After Complaining that Kid’s Temperature Hot Chocolate Too Cool

A hot chocolate with a dollop of whipped cream in a white mug on a white saucer on a light wood table.

  CINCINNATI, OH— Local mom Corinne Olson was banned from a popular Cincinnati cafe this morning after complaining that the kid’s temperature hot chocolate she ordered for her nine-year-old son Tyler was too cool.   Olson, who frequents the cafe while working on her Etsy store, often brings her son along on his days off from school. She assumed that…

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Cafe, Customer Service

Communist Customer Doesn’t Tip Baristas Because Whole System is Fucked

A blonde man holds his hood over his head with a twinkle in his eyes. The photo is black and white.

  NEW YORK CITY, NY— Communist coffee shop customer Mitch Dryden doesn’t believe in tipping baristas; according to him, “the whole system is fucked, and tipping only validates that.”   Dryden, who works as a bike mechanic, used to work as barista but doesn’t believe in tipping. “It’s not about people as individuals, it’s about the system,” he said. “It’s…

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Cafe, Customer Service, New Products

Coffee-Fetching Robot Disrupts Morning Rush

A white robot with a small smile looks at the camera.

  BOSTON, MA— This morning in a local university’s robotics building, a coffee-fetching robot disrupted service and severely pissed off several baristas.   Creators were thrilled and excited to send Caffbot, the new robot they’ve engineered to fetch their morning brew, on his inaugural mission down to their favorite cafe. However, the mission didn’t quite go as planned.   When…

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Cafe, Coffee Events, Customer Service

Anti-Bias Training Teaches Baristas to Respect All Roast Levels

Students sit in a classroom, shown from the chest down, holding notebooks and pens.

OKLAHOMA CITY, OK— A local cafe chain is implementing a new anti-bias training program to teach baristas to respect coffees of all roast levels. While many are skeptical of the efficacy of anti-bias trainings, owner Helen Jones believes that it’s a necessary first step in eliminating bias not only in baristas, but in the wider community. “In third-wave coffee shops.…

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Cafe, Customer Service

Man from Melbourne Who Has Lived in UK for Two Weeks Insists There is No Good Coffee in London

A man with brown hair sits at a wooden corner table drinking from a white cup.

  By Jack Crisfield   LONDON, UK— The owner of an award-winning South London coffee shop was left shocked today as a fresh-off-the-boat Australian told her that good coffee simply cannot be found in London.   Shane Brown of Melbourne Australia, who has lived in the UK for two weeks, insisted that “there’s just nothing good here” during a conversation…

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Cafe, Customer Service, Staff Drama

Barista Disgruntled After Customer Friend-Requests Her on Facebook

A person holds their phone in both hands, looking at it. The phone is silver and the person is wearing several silver rings on their fingers.

PITTSBURGH, PA— Local barista Aisha Khan was disgruntled today when a regular customer at her coffee shop requested her friendship on Facebook. Our reporters hit the scene to investigate. “I mean, we interact a few times a week, but it’s not like we’re actual friends,” she told us. “I don’t want to share my political views and, like, pictures of…

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