Cafe, Customer Service, Mystery, Roasting

Customer Seeking Freshest Beans Inquires About Beans From The Future

Coffee beans falling into a pile.

This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. By Caroline Robb NEW ORLEANS, LA— David Lewis, long-time occasional coffee buyer at a popular neighborhood roaster, has always exhibited the highest standards for his take-home pick. “It has to be the freshest,” he told Knockbox reporters in a press conference this morning. “If…

Read More

Cafe, Customer Service

Customer Interprets Pour Over Bloom as Affront to Society

A man in a suit sitting on a couch looks at his watch impatiently.

This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. By Josh Rank BIRMINGHAM, AL– Local mortician David Hallmark watched in horror as a barista at a local cafe started making his pour-over coffee and then, inexplicably, stopped. “He was chugging right along, grinding the beans, getting the water,” said Hallmark. “Then he started…

Read More

Cafe, Customer Service, New Findings

Homemade Charcoal Powder Receives Mixed Reviews From Customers, Health Department

A burning log turns to charcoal.

By Eric Dong This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we appreciate. WALNUT CREEK, CA— A local coffee shop’s attempt at using homemade charcoal powders has received mixed reviews from customers and USDA. “Our espresso is a Columbia-Papua New Guinea blend with notes of dense dark chocolate, vanilla, and a buttery mouthfeel,” owner Jack Haney told Knockbox…

Read More

Cafe, Customer Service, Staff Drama

Debate Sparks After New Hire Poses Hypothetical Iced Cappuccino Order

An iced cappuccino with a straw.

This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. By Eric Dong KAILUA-KONA, HI— Chaos broke out at a local cafe today after new hire and ex-Starbucks employee Gabriel Scott posed a hypothetical scenario in which a guest orders an iced cappuccino, sparking a loud and heated debate. Although the conflict began mid-shift,…

Read More

Cafe, Customer Service

Barista Charges Less for Coffee He Doesn’t Like

An espresso in a double-walled glass cup on a wooden table.

  This piece is dedicated to Weihong Zhang, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.   By Lucas Haladki   NASHVILLE, TN— On looking over his Square receipts for the week, specialty coffee lover Matt Martinez was surprised to find he had been charged $1.75 for “2 xtra shots” at his favorite local shop instead of the regular $3.75 for…

Read More

Cafe, Customer Service

Other Barista Knows My Order, Says Customer

A cash register screen shows a readout of the customer's change.

  This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our most excellent Patreon supporter without whom we couldn’t do this.    By Adam Heffelfinger   ANNAPOLIS, MD— The morning rush was in full swing at one local coffee shop this morning when housewife Julianne Akers reached the front of the queue. Akers, 44, received a cordial greeting from barista Rachael Ng, 27, who…

Read More