Cafe, Coffee Events, Mystery

Modular Espresso Bar Functioning Normally

A suprised person with long dark hair and red lipstick.

  This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.   By Sam Stoothoff   BROOKLYN, NEW YORK— After several years of continued maintenance, baristas at a popular local cafe were astonished to find their modular espresso machine functioning exactly as an espresso machine should.   Instead of a steam wand not functioning or water…

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Cafe, Customer Service

Cafe Regular Leaves Bad Review After Being ‘Tricked’ by Flavor Notes

A white mug of filter coffee on a wooden table.

  This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we appreciate.   By Jack Crisfield   LONDON, UK— Coffee shop regular Robin Bellhouse left his favorite cafe a bad review on TripAdvisor yesterday after being recommended a single-origin filter coffee that was, according to Bellhouse, “deceptively advertised,” and “really a ripoff.”   “I have popped in every morning…

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Cafe, Mystery, Staff Drama

Barista Terrified for Life After Losing Distribution Screw

A distribution screw for an espresso machine.

  This piece is dedicated to Weihong Zhang, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.   By Lanny Huang   DETROIT, MI— At approximately 8:26pm last Sunday, sources reported that local barista Miles Thomas lost a distribution screw down the drain at the coffee shop where he’d just started working during a solo closing shift.   “It happened so fast,”…

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Cafe, Coffee Events, New Products

New Black Hole Mocha Perfect for Fans of Strong Coffee Who Also Never Want to Be Seen Again

A charcoal latter in a black cup sits on a white table.

  By Camillia Nazanan   CAMBRIDGE, MA— Coffee enthusiasts with the desire to witness spacetime twisting in on itself finally have reason to rejoice. A Cambridge cafe with a sizable student following has debuted its newest product, the Black Hole Mocha, which promises patrons the taste sensation and physics lesson of a lifetime.   Our reporters rushed to the unveiling,…

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Cafe, Customer Service

Coffee Too Expensive, Says Customer

A white cup of brown coffee on a white saucer with a silver spoon.

  SAN FRANCISCO, CA— This morning, local cafe customer Cathy Samuels stated that the drip coffee she was attempting to purchase was too expensive.   “Why should a cup of coffee cost 2.50?” Samuels told reporters. “It’s ridiculous. What am I, a millionaire?” Samuels, who works as a product manager for a popular software company, lives in San Francisco’s Mission…

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Cafe, Staff Drama

New Cafe Hire Admits Love of Iced Cappuccinos, Immediately Regrets It

An iced cappuccino on a white and red polka dot table.

  By Camillia Nazanin   This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our most excellent Patreon supporter without whom we couldn’t do this.    ST. LOUIS, MO— Leila Quinn, a recent hire at a bustling St. Louis cafe, received a slew of negative feedback from coworkers after casually revealing her preference for iced cappuccinos.   Previously a barista at Starbucks, Quinn was…

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Cafe, Education, Inspiring People

Barista Thinks of Perfect Analogy for Microfoamed Milk

A barista holds a white cappuccino cup and pours perfectly textured milk into espresso.

  This piece is dedicated to Weihong Zhang, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.   By Nathanael May   CHARLOTTE, NC— Eschewing the standard options of “melted ice cream” and “wet paint,” local barista and aspiring shift lead Braedyn Kellson discovered what she believed to be the perfect analogy for teaching new baristas the expected texture of properly steamed…

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