Cafe, Coffee Events, Mystery

Modular Espresso Bar Functioning Normally


This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.


By Sam Stoothoff


BROOKLYN, NEW YORK— After several years of continued maintenance, baristas at a popular local cafe were astonished to find their modular espresso machine functioning exactly as an espresso machine should.


Instead of a steam wand not functioning or water lines leaking, not a single issue obstructed service.


Opening barista Kayla Montero was the first to find discover the phenomenon. “I came in and turned on the machine—normally when we leave them on overnight, they overheat—and went about my normal routine. When I went to change the drip tray we leave behind the machine, there was no leak, which was… unusual,” Montero told reporters.


She immediately called her manager, relaying the strange turn of events. Beleaguered manager Stacey Osborn was hesitant, expecting something to inevitably go wrong. “I’ve had days when I thought everything was fine, only to have to change the gaskets for the third time in a week because the rubber ones aren’t working anymore and need to be swapped for silicone. I’ve been burned before, so naturally I was very skeptical.”


As minutes passed though, no new issues appeared. Barista’s even went so far as to call service technician Will Galloway and let him know he could take the day off. Galloway was described by the baristas as being, “jubilant,” and “slightly surprised.”


Baristas were equally glad to be able to devote their entire focus on preparing quality coffee, even if only for the moment, although as of press time we have been informed that they are now experiencing yet another gasket issue.


Sam Stoothoff is currently living the dream in Brooklyn. His credits include the occasional good tweet that can be found @sam_stache.


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