BOSTON, MA— This morning in a local university’s robotics building, a coffee-fetching robot disrupted service and severely pissed off several baristas.
Creators were thrilled and excited to send Caffbot, the new robot they’ve engineered to fetch their morning brew, on his inaugural mission down to their favorite cafe. However, the mission didn’t quite go as planned.
When Caffbot arrived at the cafe, he immediately walked up to the espresso bar, jumping the long morning line at the register, and made smalltalk by asking barista Roberta Claymore how her kids were doing.
“I didn’t even answer it; it was in the wrong place, clearly hadn’t ordered, and I don’t have any kids,” Claymore told Knockbox reporters. “It just kept asking over and over how my kids were. Eventually I grabbed the manager.”
Manager Emilia Ling addressed the situation, guiding the robot towards the line and indulging the robot’s questions and comments.
“It kept saying it liked my dress and asking about my kids,” said Ling. “I was just like, okay, let’s get you in the line.”
Once at the register, it ordered some drinks and tried to make small talk with barista Mike Stevenson, who was not pleased.
“When that robot called me ‘brotherman’ I was like, um, okay. Then it ordered nine cappuccinos and a macchiato.”
The robot’s adventures didn’t stop there.
“It walked back to bar and started asking about how are my kids again,” said Claymore. She started making the drinks, ignoring the robot as best she could.
At that point, Ling called dining services to come and address the situation. “I was like, we need to work.”
When the robot’s drinks were ready, witnesses say it used its finger to check the milk temperature.
“I couldn’t believe it,” said Ling. “It was like, ‘Uh-oh. I’m going to need you to make this again.’ And then it just kept saying it.”
At that point, unable to get dining services on the phone, Ling picked up the robot, put it on a cart, and took it outside, closing the door.
“We really just needed to keep working,” said Ling. “It was nothing personal.”
“I don’t ever want to see that fucking robot again,” said Stevenson.
It would seem that, at this time, coffee-fetching interns get to keep their jobs another day. According to our sources, Caffbot is back in the protection of its creators and is going through a round of updates based on the foibles of its maiden voyage.
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