SALT LAKE CITY, UT— Disaster struck this morning at a local cafe as barista Joe Green found out he did not get promoted to assistant manager and was subsequently super salty. Green had applied for the promotion the previous week, only to be passed up in favor of coworker Jill Yee, who currently works as a shift lead.
“I think it’s bullshit,” he told our reporters. “I’ve been with this cafe almost a year and I’ve shown a lot of potential. I’m one of the best latte artists on staff.”
The owner of the cafe had this to say: “Jill will be a great assistant manager. She’s worked with Sean (the current manager) for 3 years and even created laminated to-do lists for different shifts as shift lead. She has a great attitude and it was really a no-brainer. We’re all super excited about it.”
When asked about Joe and his saltiness, she snorted. “I mean, yeah, but everyone else is excited.”
In order to dig deeper, we spoke with neutral third-party barista Jordan James, who has worked with the company for a year and a half. “Saying Joe wasn’t the right pick would be a massive understatement,” she said. “He’s not even a good barista and he hardly does any work.”
When asked how he’s been since getting passed over for the job, she had this to say: “He’s been super, duper salty.”
At the time of publication, Joe is considering whether he can get another job despite having been fired from three other coffee shops in the city. This story is still developing.