Cafe, Staff Drama

Accidental Ass-Touch Shakes Things Up In Philadelphia Cafe


This piece is dedicated to Daria Whalen, a most excellent day one Patreon supporter whom we will cherish eternally. 


PHILADELPHIA, PA— This morning, an accidental ass-touch shook things up at a popular Philadelphia coffee chain when barista Amanda Baimer turned around with her palm outspread for a low-five and instead received a heaping handful of ass.


“It was shocking,” she said. “I had no idea Marie was standing there.”


Her coworker Marie Candleton was the recipient of the accidental bum-handle. Our reporters caught up with her to get the scoop.


“That’s not the first time I’ve had my butt grabbed in the workplace,” she said with a chuckle. “But it’s probably the first time it was actually an accident.”


Reportedly, the two women laughed for several minutes and moved on with their day, referencing the event over the course of the next few weeks and sharing the anecdote widely amongst friends.


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About RJ Joseph

RJ Joseph is a coffee lover, roaster, writer, ex-bitter barista, and founder of The Knockbox.
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