Entrepreneurship, Inspiring People, New Products, Roasting

Blends Cool Again, Declares Coffee Pundit who Previously Declared Blends Uncool

A wooden table with coffee beans spilling out of a white mug.

  This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.   NEW YORK CITY, NY— Breaking news coming out of Manhattan today as renowned coffee consultant, entrepreneur, roaster, and five-time regional barista champion Allen Eisner declared blends to be “cool again.” Mr. Eisner was also the person who had previously declared them “uncool,” and “so…

Read More

Cafe, Coffee Events

New Cafe Lets You Cuddle and Adopt Adorable Vampire Bats

A small fuzzy brown vampire bat sits on a white table.

  HONOLULU, HI— You’re probably familiar with cat cafes, but this week, a brand-new concept has emerged with the launch of Honolulu’s beautiful new bat cafe, which allows guests to cuddle with and even adopt adorable vampire bats. With a concept this original, we had to check it out for ourselves. We flew to Hawaii to attend the soft opening,…

Read More

Coffee Events, Inspiring People

Slurp of Excellence Finalist Sets Record for High Decibel Cupping

Golden cupping spoons in a rinse cup on a wooden table.

  By Chris Kornman   DUBLIN, OH— Unconfirmed news breaking from Dublin, Ohio, today where Q-Grader and self-described “power-slurper” Keith Underwood has set an international record for the highest recorded cupping slurp level at 128 decibels.   In total, three of the top five cup tasters logged sounds at or above the previously established record of 122 in last year’s…

Read More

Cafe, Customer Service

Other Barista Knows My Order, Says Customer

A cash register screen shows a readout of the customer's change.

  This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our most excellent Patreon supporter without whom we couldn’t do this.    By Adam Heffelfinger   ANNAPOLIS, MD— The morning rush was in full swing at one local coffee shop this morning when housewife Julianne Akers reached the front of the queue. Akers, 44, received a cordial greeting from barista Rachael Ng, 27, who…

Read More

New Findings

Coffee Cocktails: the Next Four Loko?

A cocktail that's brownish-orange in a coup glass with a dried lime slice on top.

  ATLANTA, GA— The Center for Disease Control and Prevention released a statement this morning warning New Years party-goers to refrain from mixing coffee and alcohol, a combination which they warn could be dangerous, even deadly.   “Remember Four Loko?” said CDC communications director Mark Leary. “Coffee cocktails follow the same principle. You can’t mix uppers and downers—it’s known to…

Read More

Cafe, Coffee Events, Customer Service, Inspiring People

Inspiring Cafe Donates all X-mas Day Proceeds to Charity, Makes Workers Come In

A cappuccino with Christmas lights around it.

  KNOXVILLE, TN— This Christmas, one inspiring cafe set a shining example by donating all Christmas-day proceeds to the American Red Cross. We hit the scene to investigate and get a little taste of their true holiday spirit.   The cafe was all a-bustle with customers in from all over town to celebrate and donate. The air was laden with…

Read More

Education, New Products

Mom Uses New Pourover Once, Reverts to Keurig

A teal cup of black coffee on a wicker table.

  MORRISTOWN, NJ— According to recent reports, local mom Mary Schooner used the new pourover drip cone given to her by her son Michael once, before reverting to her tried-and-true Keurig.   “It was a really nice gift,” she told the Knockbox. “Really, I love it!”   Nevertheless, reports say, she used it once, while Michael was in the room,…

Read More

Cafe, Coffee Events, Mystery

Modular Espresso Bar Functioning Normally

A suprised person with long dark hair and red lipstick.

  This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.   By Sam Stoothoff   BROOKLYN, NEW YORK— After several years of continued maintenance, baristas at a popular local cafe were astonished to find their modular espresso machine functioning exactly as an espresso machine should.   Instead of a steam wand not functioning or water…

Read More

Green Coffee, Inspiring People, New Products

Farmers Experimenting with “Money” Process Coffee

Honey-processed coffee drying on a black drying bed.

  By Chris Kornman   PIATÃ, BR— Deep in the high plateaus of Chapada Diamantina, in the heart of Brazil’s vast state of Bahia, Valentina Pereira Souza has cracked the code of an entirely new wave of coffee processing.   “An agronomist told me that coffee processing equipment manufacturer Pinhalense invented pulped natural process in Mogiana years ago,” said Pereira,…

Read More