Cafe, Education, Inspiring People

Barista Thinks of Perfect Analogy for Microfoamed Milk

A barista holds a white cappuccino cup and pours perfectly textured milk into espresso.

  This piece is dedicated to Weihong Zhang, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.   By Nathanael May   CHARLOTTE, NC— Eschewing the standard options of “melted ice cream” and “wet paint,” local barista and aspiring shift lead Braedyn Kellson discovered what she believed to be the perfect analogy for teaching new baristas the expected texture of properly steamed…

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Cafe, Customer Service

Barista Calls Customer by Wrong Name for 6 Months; Customer Reportedly Okay With It

A counter at a coffee shop with a to-go cup that says Scott on the sleeve.

  By Christopher Vasquez   PORTLAND, OR— A barista at one Portland cafe came face-to-face with his own shortcomings when it became apparent that he had spent the last six months calling regular customer Mark Wilde by the wrong name. The customer is reportedly both unoffended and unphased.   According to witnesses, barista Eddie Wong had called out, “Hey Scott,…

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Cafe, Customer Service

Pittsburgh Baristas Fired For Playing Alanis Morissette

Alanis Morissette smiling at the sky.

  PITTSBURGH, PA— This week at a high-volume university cafe, two baristas were fired after playing Alanis Morissette’s classic album “Jagged Little Pill,” during the mid-morning lull.   The altercation began when university professor Jill Redkin came over to complain about the music, which was playing at a moderate volume in the space.   “I asked them if it wasn’t…

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Cafe, Staff Drama

Barista Reads Coffee Pro Blog Post, Confused That Espresso Tastes Bad

An espresso shot brews into a glass cup.

  This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.   By Colton Kirby   NEW YORK, NY— Over the weekend, eager new barista Freddie Stapp read a blog post by a former world barista champion regarding extraction percentages and TDS numbers. Heavy with the knowledge that his cafe was failing to utilize, Stapp showed…

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Cafe, Coffee Events, Mystery

Barista Unwittingly Pulls Fabled “Devil Shot”

An espresso shot pulls into a white cup in a dim atmosphere.

  By Sam Stoothoff   SALEM, MA— A local cafe was enveloped in a shroud of darkness early Wednesday morning when barista Erin Valor pulled what baristas across the world know as the “devil shot.”   According to reports, onlookers heard a deep, sickly, rumbling voice described as coming, “from the deep,” and being, “profoundly upsetting.” Patrons we talked to…

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Education

Study Shows 97% of Baristas Laugh at the Term “Cupping” the First Time they Hear it

A person in a black shirt pours the water for a cupping.

  DAVIS, CA— A new study released by UC Davis’s Coffee Campus this morning shows a shocking trend: an average of 97% of baristas laugh at the term “cupping” the first time they hear it.   According to the report, the term “cupping,” which coffee professionals use to refer to a simple and standardized immersion brew used for assessing quality,…

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Green Coffee, Inspiring People

Post-Coffee Farm Visit, Barista Finally Understands How Difficult it is to Pick Coffee

A coffee tree with some red cherries and some green.

  JACKSONVILLE, FL— Barista Maria Alexie recently came back from her first-ever trip to a coffee farm, and according to sources, she now “really gets” that it’s difficult to pick coffee and is “so impressed” by what farmers do.   “Whenever I would hear green buyers talk about working with producers on making sure to pick only ripe cherry, I…

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Entrepreneurship, New Products

New Water Additive Allows You to Brew Coffee With Water

A droplet of water falling into a pool, all tinted purple and orange.

  MELBOURNE, AU— Entrepreneur and three-time Australian barista champion Stephen Volpe recently announced the launch of a new water additive that will “finally make it possible to brew great coffee with water.”   “As many of you know, coffee is 98% water,” he told reporters in a recent press conference. “So the water matters. But right now, the water we…

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