Cafe, Customer Service

Cafe Regular Leaves Bad Review After Being ‘Tricked’ by Flavor Notes

A white mug of filter coffee on a wooden table.

  This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we appreciate.   By Jack Crisfield   LONDON, UK— Coffee shop regular Robin Bellhouse left his favorite cafe a bad review on TripAdvisor yesterday after being recommended a single-origin filter coffee that was, according to Bellhouse, “deceptively advertised,” and “really a ripoff.”   “I have popped in every morning…

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Cafe, Mystery, Staff Drama

Barista Terrified for Life After Losing Distribution Screw

A distribution screw for an espresso machine.

  This piece is dedicated to Weihong Zhang, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.   By Lanny Huang   DETROIT, MI— At approximately 8:26pm last Sunday, sources reported that local barista Miles Thomas lost a distribution screw down the drain at the coffee shop where he’d just started working during a solo closing shift.   “It happened so fast,”…

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Crowdfunds, Entrepreneurship, New Products

Millionaire Launches Kickstarter to Fund New Coffee Venture

Kickstarter logo on a blue-green background.

  SEATTLE, WA— Coffee millionaire Mike Newton announced the launch of a Kickstarter for his latest venture, a new roasting company that he says will be “super cool,” and “a game-changer.”   Newton, who previously grew a successful roasting company that he then sold for millions, feels that launching his newest venture via Kickstarter will help get the project some…

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Education, Inspiring People, Roasting

Roaster Learns So Much Every Day (From Listening to Podcasts)

A man with headphones and a baseball cap.

  PORTLAND, ME— Local roaster Pete Lopez learns so much every day he roasts coffee—mainly from listening to podcasts.   “I’ve been so grateful to be able to learn to roast. Since then, I’ve never stopped learning; every day, I learn so much.” Most of this learning, he says, is from listening to podcasts while he mindlessly roasts according to…

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Cafe, Coffee Events, New Products

New Black Hole Mocha Perfect for Fans of Strong Coffee Who Also Never Want to Be Seen Again

A charcoal latter in a black cup sits on a white table.

  By Camillia Nazanan   CAMBRIDGE, MA— Coffee enthusiasts with the desire to witness spacetime twisting in on itself finally have reason to rejoice. A Cambridge cafe with a sizable student following has debuted its newest product, the Black Hole Mocha, which promises patrons the taste sensation and physics lesson of a lifetime.   Our reporters rushed to the unveiling,…

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Cafe, Customer Service

Coffee Too Expensive, Says Customer

A white cup of brown coffee on a white saucer with a silver spoon.

  SAN FRANCISCO, CA— This morning, local cafe customer Cathy Samuels stated that the drip coffee she was attempting to purchase was too expensive.   “Why should a cup of coffee cost 2.50?” Samuels told reporters. “It’s ridiculous. What am I, a millionaire?” Samuels, who works as a product manager for a popular software company, lives in San Francisco’s Mission…

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Cafe, Staff Drama

New Cafe Hire Admits Love of Iced Cappuccinos, Immediately Regrets It

An iced cappuccino on a white and red polka dot table.

  By Camillia Nazanin   This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our most excellent Patreon supporter without whom we couldn’t do this.    ST. LOUIS, MO— Leila Quinn, a recent hire at a bustling St. Louis cafe, received a slew of negative feedback from coworkers after casually revealing her preference for iced cappuccinos.   Previously a barista at Starbucks, Quinn was…

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Green Coffee, New Findings, Roasting

New Findings Suggest Roasting Coffee Bad for Coffee Farmers

Roasted coffee beans.

  Alarming new findings released today by a prominent coffee research and development nonprofit show that the process of roasting coffee brings with it extreme and direct negative impacts on farmers’ ability to grow coffee.   “Our mission is and has always been to increase the global supply of quality coffee while improving the lives of those who produce it,”…

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