Cafe, Customer Service

Barista Struggling to Dial In Concludes Grinder is Being Weird Today

A person grinds coffee into a portafilter.

  This piece is dedicated to Weihong Zhang, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.   By Jorge Gadala-Maria   WASHINGTON, DC— After a gallant attempt to dial-in on Monday morning at a busy downtown DC cafe, barista Lindsey Nowles concluded that the coffeehouse’s high-end grinder was simply “being weird” today.       “It could be the heat and humidity,…

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Coffee Events, Inspiring People

Home Barista Suffers Burns Due to Beautiful Glass Decanter

A pourover sits atop a glass decanter full of hot coffee on a wooden table in front of a window.

  By Jákó Haraszti   BUDAPEST, HU— Local home barista and coffee shop goer Kovács Józsi suffered first degree burns this morning due to his beautiful glass decanter, which still looked great compared to the plastic alternative that would not have burned him.   After a merry and successful dinner party, Kovács broke out his full coffee setup to pin the…

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Cafe, Staff Drama

Conflict Over Plant-Based Milk Alternatives Splits Workforce at New Jersey Cafe

A hand pours latte art from a silver pitcher into a white cappuccino cup.

  By Mat North   RED BANK, NJ— As word of a growing conflict over plant-based milk alternatives in one New Jersey cafe spread throughout the internet, the Knockbox hit the scene to investigate.   Over the previous week, a fight had broken out over the management’s choice of plant-based milk alternative, sundering the unity the formerly tight-knit team had…

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Cafe, Coffee Events, Inspiring People, Latte Art, Staff Drama

Barista No One Likes Brings Own Tamper, Pitcher to Latte Art Throwdown

A barista with a brown apron tamps an espresso shot.

  SAN FRANCISCO, CA— Last night at a local latte art throwdown, barista Thomas Chin brought his own custom tamper and milk pitcher to make sure he could “truly demonstrate his best work.” In a perhaps-unrelated coincidence, no one likes him.   “The tamper has razor-sharp edges to prevent channeling, and I also got my initials engraved on it,” he…

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Cafe, Customer Service, Inspiring People

Sweet, Innocent New Hire Still Not Cynical and Bitter After First Week

A smiling barista in a grey shirt and yellow beanie makes drinks.

  This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate.   By Zac Hyde   CHARLESTON, SC— Staff at a local coffee shop in Charleston, SC were reportedly touched this morning when they arrived to work to find that new hire Stacy Chambers had still not yet become an irredeemably bitter cynic.   Now entering…

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Cafe, Coffee Events, Customer Service

Chaos at Cash-Free Cafe After Internet Down for 15 Minutes

A barista in black speaks urgently to another barista out of frame at a white and wood cafe. A customer in black waits at the counter and the cafe is full of other customers.

  OAKLAND, CA— Chaos erupted during the morning rush at a local cash-free cafe after the internet went down and stayed down for fifteen long minutes, preventing baristas from making any formal transactions.   “It was like nothing I’ve ever seen before,” said customer Sarah Walabi, looking past me as she spoke. “The line was out the door and the…

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Coffee Events, Education, Green Coffee, Inspiring People, New Findings

At ASIC Conference, Science Experts Strongly Recommend Measuring Shit

white-gloved hand using a microscope.

  PORTLAND, OR— Last week, the Association for Science and Information on Coffee (ASIC) held its 27th biennial conference in Portland and shone a light on several critical issues affecting the future of coffee. Overall, they say, we as an industry really, really need to start measuring shit.   “As an industry, it’s super important that we work at consistently…

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