Coffee Events, Education

Food Journalist Writes Uninformed Coffee Article

People sit in chairs reading magazines and discussing.

Earlier today, nationally-renowned food journalist Russ Dewitt published a controversial article on the specialty coffee industry. The piece, which criticized specialty coffee shops for charging too much for coffee, consulted no specialty coffee professionals or coffee farmers, included no apparent research into the subject at hand, and was, in fact, based on almost nothing.

Cafe, Coffee Events, Education, Inspiring People, Mystery

New Barista Miraculously Dials In Espresso Despite Forgetting Extraction Theory

A barista looks in wonder at the shot he's pulling.

This piece is dedicated to Weihong Zhang, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. By Josh Rank DUBUQUE, IA– New hire Stephan Grant was shocked to find the espresso he had been dialing in didn’t taste like hot garbage despite having zero recollection of extraction theory. “It’s amazing,” said Grant. “It’s truly like Perger was watching over me.…

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Cafe, Customer Service, Mystery, Roasting

Customer Seeking Freshest Beans Inquires About Beans From The Future

Coffee beans falling into a pile.

This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. By Caroline Robb NEW ORLEANS, LA— David Lewis, long-time occasional coffee buyer at a popular neighborhood roaster, has always exhibited the highest standards for his take-home pick. “It has to be the freshest,” he told Knockbox reporters in a press conference this morning. “If…

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Cafe, Customer Service

Customer Interprets Pour Over Bloom as Affront to Society

A man in a suit sitting on a couch looks at his watch impatiently.

This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. By Josh Rank BIRMINGHAM, AL– Local mortician David Hallmark watched in horror as a barista at a local cafe started making his pour-over coffee and then, inexplicably, stopped. “He was chugging right along, grinding the beans, getting the water,” said Hallmark. “Then he started…

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Cafe, Inspiring People

Family-Owned Cafe Launches New “Dying Wage” Project

A paycheck shows 584 dollars and 36 cents.

A small, family-owned Erie cafe is changing how people think about compensation in the coffee industry. In what they’re calling the Dying Wage Project, they have made a public pledge to pay each of their nine employees as little as is legally allowed, even knowing that over time, this will erode their mental and physical health, leave them no safety net in the event of emergencies, and, essentially, slowly kill them.

Coffee Events, Inspiring People

Pomeranian Takes Best In Show at US Barista Championship

A Pomeranian on a white background.

  By William Tanzarian   In a stunning turn of events, a Pomeranian named Wigglebutt has won the US Barista Championship. The four-year-old pure-bred bested many season barista competitors in its first year of competition and now moves on the World Barista Championship later this year.   Wigglebutt’s victory was decisive, with many spectators stating the route was “as moving…

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Cafe, Customer Service, New Findings

Homemade Charcoal Powder Receives Mixed Reviews From Customers, Health Department

A burning log turns to charcoal.

By Eric Dong This piece is dedicated to Velton Ross, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we appreciate. WALNUT CREEK, CA— A local coffee shop’s attempt at using homemade charcoal powders has received mixed reviews from customers and USDA. “Our espresso is a Columbia-Papua New Guinea blend with notes of dense dark chocolate, vanilla, and a buttery mouthfeel,” owner Jack Haney told Knockbox…

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Cafe, Inspiring People, Staff Drama

Barista Pretends to Initial Checklist Items for Third Straight Day

A barista in blue sunglasses looks proudly at the camera and smiles.

This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. By Josh Rank COLUMBUS, OH– Part-time barista Kyle Fleming set a personal record this afternoon by marking items off the closing checklist without actually doing them for the third consecutive day. “I really thought I was pushing it with two days in a row,”…

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Cafe, Customer Service, Staff Drama

Debate Sparks After New Hire Poses Hypothetical Iced Cappuccino Order

An iced cappuccino with a straw.

This piece is dedicated to Umeko Motoyoshi, our excellent Patreon supporter whom we love and appreciate. By Eric Dong KAILUA-KONA, HI— Chaos broke out at a local cafe today after new hire and ex-Starbucks employee Gabriel Scott posed a hypothetical scenario in which a guest orders an iced cappuccino, sparking a loud and heated debate. Although the conflict began mid-shift,…

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